Arachne

Chaos Cream Festival - encore!!!!

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 18:29:16 GMT

Oh dear! One of the most rocking bands on the stage is coming to Finland again. AYABIE ! Welcome back!

(It's my 20th birthday today. )

Meet&Greet

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 18:17:11 GMT

I need to make a short entry: just heard that my norwegian friends Lisa & Fivel are coming to Finland in June to see D'espairs Ray at Tuska-festival. Cool!

Here goes

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 13:59:15 GMT

OK I took the first step of my returning-to-civilisation-thing. Which means, I started to take a look at some schools I might get into.

I'd like to go to university, but.. naah. Then I'd like to go to university of applied sciences - naaah again. I noted down some dates and other things, and there's even no need to hurry! So no stress. Although I'm already in stress with other things.

And now I go home and eat.

MIRROR mirror, on the wall

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 20:24:39 GMT

OH YES: D'ESPAIRS RAY's new album (the second one), named "Mirror" comes out 11.4. I've already waiting for their new LIQUIDIZE- liveDVD, it's on its way ^^ Also a new single coming from L'Arc-En-Ciel this spring. That's really nice, really looking forward to it (since I like Hyde's solo but also his bandwork.. it seems that he's been on the loose a bit too long, doing all this jeesuschrist/worldisabadplace-stuff).

Umm, Anna Nicole Smith has died. That's kind of a weird.

I've had a hard time last few days. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, and spent nearly two hours just rolling around and things were going circles in my head. Annoying. Things at work are not so great. The stress is bigger than ever and I'm confused what to do when my skills are ending but horses are not healing. And there are other things that just..

I should write one thing and choose photos to it, and add some photos here for people to see. (As if anyone ever reads this stuff?!?)

Anger (un)management

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 18:03:00 GMT

I really should not use my messenger or then learn to block people.

The thing is that everyone thinks it's so cool here, the sun shines every day and I just relax. Well, guess what, we are waiting for snow and can't remember when I last saw the sun.

I'd like to be more free, to have more friends and sleep a bit more, but it is not that simple. "When are you coming back? Are you staying there?" Fuck off, I've said I don't know and I really don't know. And every day it feels that I really should return home: yet every day it feels also that I'm not ready.

Then they tell me what they are planning to do, that their life is miserable ("nothing happens here") and this and that. That reminds me why I left those ignorant bastards and just packed my stuff and headed to London in an airplane.

I'm so fucked up with all of you. Learn from your mistakes. I'm not responsible.

GGGRAAAAGGCCHHZZZSS

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 18:35:23 GMT

I felt like fighting today, just wanted to punch anyone crossing me. I'm so tired so tired so tired.

But yesterday we ate tortillas, had some (.. two bottles to be exact) redwine and then watched Lara Croft-movie from Sky.

Think it's time for me to go home and eat again!

It was a good day

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 19:25:21 GMT

Everything went quite good today. I was at Milan with Imola, and she was awesome. Third, with her new record 1.17,4. I had quite fun also since .. well, complicated.

And then my mother sent me a message, telling me that my uncle from dad's side had died, caused by cancer. I knew he head it, but.. It seemed like they had it under control. Or than I just was being positive and confirmed.

It was again a hard reminder how fragile life is and how it can change in a minute. Feel so sorry for his family, my cousins, for my father.. Seems like all the big changes are coming in a short period.

She's a lady

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 18:05:00 GMT

Oh my gods, we were doing christmas-shopping number 2 with Tiia one day, and we saw a child in one small shop. About 1-1,5 years old, sitting in his chair. She stared at us, in a kind of a sad way. We bursted into a laugh, that we couldn't make to an end, and the kid just stared us the same way! It was SO cute, and her mother also laughed a bit. ( I guess we were bit rude.. laughing to an unknown child..) In the end, as that child just stared us (although not in a flegmatic way) we went away. And then Tiia.. "Oh here she comes again!" and all of my selfcontrol was flushed away when I saw that kid again and.. well this time she even smiled back and laughed to us :D This was a really weird explanation. But we could not stop laughing. Terrible..

I'm kind of a tired with people asking "When do you come back to Finland? What are you going to do?" Umm, I don't know and I don't know. That's it. Right now the next big thing is Imola's race at Milan next Tuesday, and Christmas since Sanna is really coming here. Yay. So, if you read this, I'll tell you (actually - not) when I've booked flights home. Really, there's nothing for me to do in Finland right now!!

Another quote from my boss: "Cosa donna, cosa capelli!" "What a woman, what a hair."

CLOSER TO IDEAL

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 20:11:26 GMT

My neck is hurting as the gig of D'espairs Ray is finally put behind: more of it later when I sort it out in my head. But, amazing, amazing. He is .. hot as ice, as my friend reminded me yesterday.

I nearly was left to the airport in Helsinki this morning, when the line to check-in just went on and on.. There was no actual line for our flight, everyone flying Blue1 were in THE SAME QUEUE and what happened?? I was 10min late from check-in and just standing there, nearly having a panicattack, when a lovely lovely (as it seemed that moment) man came and asked if anyone was going to Stockholm. YES YES I AM!!! Then he checked me in, and said that the plane would wait me. AND HEY! I wasn't the only one there. It was a fucking catastrophy. And then I went to security check, with my luggage, went back to put my luggage on the real line.. went to a wrong gate.. then FINALLY, I was sitting in the plane.
After travelling through the airports of London, Milan and Copenhagen, I was happy that this happened to me in Finland. Phew. (But it was badly arranged: three workers of the airport were sick as that lovely man told me, and as said, wherever one was flying to, we were all in the same queue.)

People were happy for my return here, they've got terrible days as one worker has been away for a week. I have a new hat, with cat-ears, and they all were like "WHOAAAH COOOL!" and ofcourse my new college-kind-of-a-shirt was a success also. (Which btw I love deeply. Bought it from Morticia on Saturday.)

Closer to ideal.

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 09:57:56 GMT

If you're a friend..

say "mellon" and enter

To know me is to add me.
And if you tell it to me..

I may even add you back.

"Not all who wonder are lost" - J.R.R. Tolkien

Merveilles ~

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 14:40:30 GMT

The one and only..

Merveilles-Gackt.

Sunburnt, at least once a summer

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 19:02:48 GMT

Whoah, I found the channel which shows O.C. and Friends - too bad that now it's O.C.'s showtime. Kaitlin (or what's that Marissa's sister's name anyway) is not a kid anymore and there's some guy (Johnny) that I don't know and.. what is this season? Not that I'd know something 'bout O.C. anyway..

I burnt myself yesterday when I was basking in the sun. The other shoulder is realllly red, the other one just a little (I knew that I should turn since the sun was shining straight on the right side.. ) but either way, it was quite difficult to sleep at night. I sleep on the floor (it's so hot and my back gets stuck when hard work and soft bed are combined) and my burned skin didn't like that rough carpet.

I'm still in Belgium, althought I was about to go Germany today. The worker who was coming to replace me didn't show up (or answer to phonecalls) so.. I'm still here. Next Monday I'm going to leave this place (pheww!!) and on Tuesady I'll be on Hamburg.

It's only a week left to Wacken!! I'm waiting to see D'espairs Ray, it will be onstage like.. around midnight on Friday. I hope to find myself banging my head on the first row but let's see..
And ofcourse to see my friend Laura, who's as an aupair near Hamburg. What a coincidence!

Oh, now that Johnny-boy slipped off the hugh rock, since Marissa doesn't love him. Cruel, ain't it? What so special in Oneface-Marissa? And why she and whatshisname.. Ryan just can't be together? Stupid O.C.

Where were you last night?

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 15:29:09 GMT

I saw a weird dream last night.

I was swiming in a swimmingpool here in Belgium. Then suddenly lots of familiar faces were there, and I was going to my school (eventhough I'm already graduated the sixth form..). It was going to be my third year there, and I climbed up the stairs to my old classroom. One guy, year older than me, asked how I was doing and I just said "third year about to begin" and wondered what did HE do there, since he should be already graduated.

In my classroom was the teacher from my juniorschool :'D The one who taught me when I was like 10-11 years old. Then I saw my old classmates from other school - and a friend who had died. I was thinking over and over again that he's dead - how is this possible? He sat there cool as ever, and since there weren't chairs anywhere else, I sat next to him. The first thught when I saw him was like "He's alive.. I want to hug him!" but I didn't.

So we had to choose a song with woman view or something, and write an essay.

I woke up, and kept thinking of what song should I choose, since I didn't know any. I was thinking that I would have many political songs to write about.

Maybe I've been thinking of him too much lately since he's in my dreams, too. His hair was shorter than usual. And I was so happy since he was alive.. That was before I woke up.

I want a normal life?

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 16:26:36 GMT

At the moment I like to go home, and still _not_ to go home.

It's like.. my last spring was just running around, doing work, doing work, doing work.. My graduationday came so fast and after that I just kept on running, went to my sister's (where's no such thing as normal life xD) and then to Kuopio for two days, then back home, packed my pack and went to London. There were maybe couple of days of just relaxing.

I need my own time. I need time when none can shout out my name and I must obey. I need time just to BE.

So I'd like to go home and just be there, sleep well, be with my family (when you were teenager, you were like "oh.. my parents suck". After three years separation from them has changed my thoughts, and when things at home are like they are, I'm bit concerned to be so far away from them.) and play with my dog.

On the other hand, going home would be a failure: I wanted so badly to go abroad, and to go back after a month.. hahaha. Every one would just laugh straight to my face, even myself. And now I'm here, long way from home, I want to see and touch everything. Meet new people (like in London) and that kind of stuff.

What I'm going to do is no longer much in my hands. I have to wait and see.

(And maybe make a call to one place..)

[ Edit: I DID call that one place, a stable in Italy. It would be nice.. ]

CHANEL EGOISTE PLATINUM

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 19:50:11 GMT

It seems like Chanel Egoiste Platinum is some kind of fashion among Jrocksingers, since Gackt himself and also BLOOD-vocalist Fu-Ki are using it. I think I need a bottle of it, just in case I need to know what do they smell like.

I bet it's amazing...

But your memory stays with us ~

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 13:10:37 GMT

I've talked about this subject with many people, but not properly. And neither have the others, I think.

It's been six months since my friend died. We were never so close, but he was that kind of person who was known by everyone, or at least everyone thought they knew him. Three years we went to the same school, saw eachother nearly every day.

Everyone loved him. Some more, some less. None hated him. A player, dear for us all, no-one could ever hate him. Why a person like he was taken away from us, by a way which was such stupid and unjustice? "Was it a suicide?" asks many. For us, who knew him, that question is rude and it hurts. Never he could have done such thing.

I remember when I last saw him.. Ilosaarirock 2005. He was like always, that's how I remember him. Cheerful and open.

When we heard that he's missing.. none really chatted anything. Everyone was thinking "no, no.. We'll find him, we will". Next day at school (luckily short day, I just went to eat there) I tried to keep up the spirit, yes, we'll find him somewhere. Things like these can't happen to us..

I went to my friend's house, and my other friend called me. Some people refuse to understand the whole situation, but it hit me straight away. After all.. it was just a call which made it all final, we all had already thought that somewhere in our deep thoughts. Still everyday I was waiting for his name to sign in to gallery or MSN, that someone would call and tell me that DNA-tests don't match..

It was easy with my friends, who knew him. They all felt the same. The hardest part was to talk to others - people who didn't knew what had happened.

Once we visited the last place. It was .. is there words for it? To think, that here.. last minutes.. We light up the candles and turned our back to this tragedy.

And the moment we wrote last words for his book, people from my old school, it was so long time since we all were gathered together like that. Why like this? It should have been a nice meeting. Not full of grief and sorrow! And I said to Mikko, "I never thought it would have been like this.. I thought I was the one to go first." His hand was shaking while he wrote his name. I wrote several: me, Kirsi, Sanna, Mira.. don't really remember all of them. Neither do I remember what I wrote there. I did it as quick as possible, not letting my emotions to be seen. Once again, it was those moments where I just act without thinking.

I haven't seen his grave yet. One day I'll see it, and think again how this world can take away people just like that?

Why did all this come to my mind? I was listening to music while working and one song hit me. It's been six months, still some things are too hard to put into words. Maybe someday I can tell the whole story and just remember the fun we used to have? Rest in peace, friend. You're still 7 days behind.

"I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep you memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darlin' who knew"

[Pink - Who knew]

Don't laugh!

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 20:37:38 GMT

You know those moments, when you don't know whether to cry or laugh. And for some reason you always start to laugh. That chaotic moment, when you just can't stop laughing.. and it's BAD!

I had to remove SPIDERWEBS from the roof of the stable. With a brush. I was like "fucking interested.." and when I had already done it, it wasn't good enough for the owner. Well, I started it again.. lazy.. and then I just burst into laugh! And honestly, I shouldn't have done THAT.

Here's the chat between me and my boss. We talk english, since she can't understand finnish neither an I understand flemish.. My finnish sentences are translated [in boxes].

Boss:- What?
Me: - Ei mitään :D [ Nothing :D]
B:- If you don't want to do it everyday, I advice you to do it now good.
M:- Luule vaan että joka päivä alan näitä.. [ And don't you dare to think that I'd do this every day.. ]
- Don't make me angry!
- Nothing. This is just too funny.. *giggles*

After a while I heard that I'll be kicked out earlier than I was going. What's the lesson here? Never speak finnish to foreigners or something bad will happen :D

Ps. There's so funny-named dogs here in Belgium. Because I can't remember them, I usually give them finnish names.. not flattering names, though.

And one dog is called Pippiduu :'D Remember.. don't laugh.. !

My new best friend <3

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 18:57:27 GMT

In the place where I'm right now has 5 dogs. Two are puppies, the other one is fucking annoying spoiled brat and other one is shy. Then another little dog, one labradorian and another little dog, which I hated. Until today..
We were eating when the lady of the house and also my boss went to get more water. In seconds that dog was licking her plate (what a shame! It was empty..) and I was laughing my head off. Way to go, doggie!!

Pizzaa

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 17:00:58 GMT

My last pizza was pretty dry and things like that, so this one is much better. It has even better fillings!

I've been thinking of human nature, but since I can't remember a thing, I just post this without weird things. I'm just alive.

But what does it mean to be alive...